In her book 'Eat Pray Love', Elizabeth Gilbert rightly captures how I feel in crowded regilious places. She says...."In my stay at the Ashram, there were never more than few hundred residents at any time. If the Guru herself had been in residence, those numbers would have swollen considerablely, but she was never in India when I was there. ...... Its not considered essential to be in her literal presence in order to keep up your studies with her. But there is, of course, the irreplaceable high of actually being around a living Yogic master,..... But many longtime devotees agree that it can also sometimes be a distraction - if you are not careful, you can get all caught up in the celebrity buzz that surrounds the Guru and lose focus of your true intention. Whereas if you go to one of her Ashrams and discipline yourself to keep austere schedule of practices, you will sometimes find that it is easier to communicate with your teacher fron within these private meditations than to push your way through the crowds of eager students and get a word in edgewise in person."
While she talks about her experiences of finding spiritual guidance, I am relating to the more simpler and common ritual of going to a temple or going for darshan in an ashram. Very few times have I found the peace that begets devotion in such places; the connect where you feel the oneness with God or feel that there is only Him and you there giving you the clarity of a sincere prayer. Often the crowds distract - either I am annoyed at being jostled, or distracted by the people around, or just simply amused by the way people try to outsmart/jump queues or am busy counting similar lost souls who are 'caught up in the buzz' but lost focus on true intention of being there.
One of the few places where I have felt the deep connect despite the huge crowds has been Shirdi. There is something there - some vibration that makes you unaware of the crowd once you see Baba. Then for few earthly moments (and many ethereal ones), its only you and Him. A darshan there despite how long it takes always has been moving and deeply satisfying.
Another such incident was when we went to Kapaleeshwar kovil at Mylapore on the 13th day of Appa's passing away. I have gone there many times and it is definitely a very peaceful enchanting place, albeit often a tad bit crowded for my taste in the main sannadhis. But on that day somehow I felt, when in Kapaleeswarar sannadi, that He was telling me that Appa was with him now and would always be looking down upon us. Maybe that was my frame of mind then and hence I was easily suspectible to such thoughts. Nevertheless, the peace the 'connect' brought is indeed something indescribable.
Coming back to the crux of this post, I seem to find the connect with my God at different times and at various odd places; almost never in temples which are usually others seem to.....
Reading the above prose makes me go, "there you go lady, you stole those words right out of my mind!!! And you have said it so well too!"
