Sathya gets admitted tomorrow

So, Sathya is going to get admitted tomorrow for his surgery and I am already a bundle of nerves.

I was far better last time over. Is it because I didnt know what to expect or how much it would hurt. Or is it worse this time as I cannot be with him, take care of him every minute.

I know I am being very selfish here, but the next few days seem like mountains ahead!

A stitch in time...

I got a new sewing machine - Usha Janome Fashion maker!! This was our anniv gift by dear 'ol sathya! Needless to say, I love it!!

Yet to master the nuances and get the required dexterity, but I am on it!

What did I stitch today? Well, I tried fixing amma's torn sari and did a 'patchy' job of it. :)

Being brave

Amma told me that I was brave last time. Was I really or did I just cover up nicely?

It was easy to care for Sathya when he was in front of me; something like keeping my hands busy and mind blank - well, not blank per say but grounded to things that need to be done in the present. But to see him on the stretcher being wheeled away from me, to see him so pale and shivering right after then 7 hour long ordeal - it is so difficult to explain. Can I do it all over again?

In the evenings and night that yawned so long, it was easy to just get up and touch him and re-assure myself that all was well. How will it be this time over?

Like Sathya keeps saying - think of the week ahead, plan for the time when all this is over and behind us, the plans we can make for the times ahead.....I am trying.

I dont want Sathya to see me upset for that upsets him more. Shouldnt it be easier the 2nd time over? Take it from me, it is not. It is like knowing beforehand that you are going to fall and get hurt badly and waiting around for that to happen!!

And then there is a bit of guilt as I am the one pushing him to get this done. Thinking practically, this is the best for us. But I am the one who is putting everyone through this emotional ordeal....

Wish it was next week......

Wierd wierd mood!

Whats with mood swings and bad moods? In such a wierd limbo for the past few days! And the only person who can blow away my grouchiness is dear 'ol Sathya. What will I ever do without him!!!

And to think of it, he is going to under the blade once again....now I know why I am so lost! It will be so much easier to worry and fret, but again my brain is wired wierdly and reacts in its own mysterious ways.

filofax - the need to get organized!

Poor Sathya got the brunt of my 'lost' mood y'day and I realized that its high time I got a bit more organized (well, the 'bit more' is an understatement!!)

When I had quit, I thought I will do wonders with my FREE time and looking back I havent even started on my list.

The list is something like...

a) Lose weight

b) join an art class

c) spend a lot more time on my crafty hobbies

d) Surf for the joy of surfing and not for work! And Blog more!

e) Study more

f) re-format my laptop and get my itunes not to look as confused as it does now.

g) spend more time listening to music

and so on...

And where I am...strengthening my art of procrastination! If it becomes more stronger, I should list it in my list of strengths and not weakness!!

Like some wise guy said, I should do something about procrastination, but thought will do it later!! LOL

Lets see if I can do something about all of these in the coming days......